Valuing the Mother

No matter how demanding your job is, it's not more important than your wife's mothering and housework. If your wife is at home on maternity leave or caring for baby full time, her job is never finished. One comment like, "What are you really doing? I'm the one who's working!" will do harm to your marriage.

Instead, compliment her on her mothering skills. Since baby's nap is never long enough for your wife to recharge her batteries, say, "You've had a tough day, so let me take care of baby while you go for a walk." Cook a meal for her. Show your respect for her extraordinarily difficult job.  

Show your wife you won't abandon her. She's not the first woman to worry that her husband will flit off with someone younger, hotter, and babyless. Maybe she's feeling insecure about the postpartum pounds and stretch marks that haven't gone away. Or parenting has got her so worn down, she's feeling more like a mum than a lover these days. Reassure her that you're in this for the long haul.

Words are fine, but actions speak louder. Buy some wines that aren't ready to drink for five or ten years. Write her a note, and say how you imagine what your lives will be like when you uncork these wines. Or plan a vacation you'll take together to celebrate a distant anniversary. Save for your joint retirement.

Come on -- this is the moment you've been waiting for! It's a gorgeous evening, on a tree-lined street, just you, your wife, and baby. Push one side while your wife pushes the other. When your infant falls asleep, pull your wife toward you and kiss her. It's what she's been waiting for, too.

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