The
mysteries and magic of gravy -
by Mr. Mum (The Joy of Six)
Recently I
took my six kids to Red Rooster. We usually get one of the Family Deals because
they are so much cheaper than separate chicken, chips and a drink times 6. As is
the case with these deals, you usually get something only the parents would
eat…crumbed chicken bowel, brussell sprout cheescake, or some such thing. This
time it was potato and gravy, and a container of peas. Guess what I was going to
get left with for tea?
I was
pondering on the mysteries of getting kids to eat a balanced diet including
vegetables, when I noticed them jostling over the potatoes and gravy, and then
pouring the excess gravy over the peas. I was onto something…they would eat
anything if it had gravy on it.
I have done
some research on this subject. Apparently nature has being doing something like this
for centuries. The humble dung beetle even uses a similar technique. The male
(go, dads!) dung beetle takes his offspring into the fields, shows them how to
roll up the dung, and while doing so secretes a sweet tasting paste onto the
dung which makes it irresistible to the young dung beetles. By the time the
young have worked out what’s going on, they have grown accustomed to the taste
of the dung. It’s true...honest.
So try the
gravy thing…it really works. Anything with gravy becomes a meat substitute.
But the
quality of the gravy is critical. There are about four or five different name
brands on the market, all with different tastes, so you can show off your
new-found culinary dexterity by making a different gravy most nights of the
week. But it must be smooth. Kids don’t care about pan juices, or using the
water off the vegetables, or what you cook it in…but try to get them to eat
lumpy gravy and they’ll give you one of those looks us parents get when the
kids are sure that we’ve lost it completely.
Don’t read
the instructions on the packet. Don’t push in where it says “push in
here”. Rip the packet apart, put the contents in an air-tight container (damp
gravy powder is useless), put as much water as you need gravy in a plastic bowl,
and put a spoonful of gravy powder in for each cup of water. Stir in it
thoroughly, being careful to squish any remaining little dry clumps against the
side of the bowl with the spoon (these are future gravy lumps if not killed
immediately).
If you want
to show off, lightly burn some onion in the bottom of the saucepan before you
start. Burnt onion is a nice kitchen smell, and it makes the gravy taste
different.
That’s
it…now you’re ready. Put it in the saucepan, put in on the stove (yes…turn
it on as well), and start stirring. Don’t stop stirring until it is boiling.
This can take a little while, but there’s a secret benefit to this that only
certain dads know.
While
you’re stirring the gravy, you can’t leave to do anything else or the gravy
will get lumpy. You can’t take out the rubbish, you can’t wipe someone’s
bottom (except your own, which is not recommended), you can’t help with
homework…you just have to stand there…stirring…stirring….with your beer
can holding hand empty. Voila! A few minutes to yourself staring at the gravy
having a quiet beer. No-one’s going to complain that you’d rather have a
beer than take out the rubbish, or wipe a bottom…you are making gravy…nice
gravy, too…look, no lumps.
Once it’s
done, pour it over anything the kids don’t like (except their homework), and
watch them eat it all. It makes the meal look bigger, covers anything you’ve
accidentally burnt, and heats up anything you’ve let go cold.
Sorry to all
the women out there who have been tricking us males for years with this one.
Your secret is out.
Mr Mum
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