Boys,
toilets and bullseyes -
by Mr. Mum
(The Joy of Six)
It is one of
the unwritten laws of physics that all of a girl’s wee goes in the toilet
bowl. It is also another unwritten law of physics that it is impossible for all
of a boy’s wee to go into the bowl.
If a boy
stands close enough to the bowl that the last drips fall in, the more urgent
first bits hit the wall just above the cistern. If they stand far enough back to
get the first bits in, then the last drips land on the floor.
And they
can’t start further back and move towards the bowl during the process because
you can’t walk and pee at the same time. It’s like patting your head and
rubbing your stomach.
So accept
the drips on the floor as the lesser of two evils. And don’t complain to the
boys about it…they have chosen the least messy option, and should be rewarded
for their diligence. In fact, they should be given some concession for their
troubles…not only do they have to stand through the whole process while the
lucky girls get to sit, but they have the pressure of choice to bear as well.
And while we
are on the subject, why should boys put the seat down when they are finished? Do
girls have to put the seat up when they are finished?
After having
to stand up for the whole process, their little bodies braced against the
uncontrolled thrust like some miniature fireman, backs arched, their brows still
furrowed in concern for the “stand close…stand far away” decision they are
now regretting as they accidentally spray the toilet roll, and the
curtains…and then you expect them to put the seat down. They can barely get
out of the room. That’s why they leave the door open.
So next time
you stand in one of those precious little puddles on the floor in front of the
toilet, don’t get angry with the poor little souls who are responsible. They
are up against one of the immovable laws of physics in their pursuit of getting
it all in the bowl.
President
Roosevelt implored us to judge people by their efforts rather than their
results. I’m sure he intended it to apply here as well. After all, he was a
little boy once.
Mr Mum
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